July 28, 2017

And They all Lived Happily Ever After...

And they all lived Happily Ever After...

‍Boy meets Girl. Girl dislikes boy. Boy does something to make Girl change her mind. Girl secretly starts to like Boy. Boy does something to make Girl dislike him again (but still secretly love him). Boy makes everything better and they get married and live happily ever after.

Sound familiar?

It should do. It’s the plot line for many of the romantic stories that are fed to us. Think Pride and Prejudice and its modern day equivalent Bridget Jones’ Diary. Think Blended. Think Can’t Buy me Love, Dirty Dancing, The Proposal, When Harry Met Sally.  I could go on…

But how realistic is this idea, and how does it affect us in our quest for The One? Are we to believe that a relationship is flawed if it doesn’t follow this format? It’s all just so darn romantic! Swoon.

Ahhh romance. What’s love without romance? What’s love without the misunderstanding, turmoil and confusion? What’s love without the countering hate? What’s love without all the heartache and yearning? Well, I suppose love could be simple? Couldn't it? What a revolutionary idea!

Let's say you meet someone and think they're quite nice. Not mindblowing, but nice, and not bad looking. Not Love at First Sight, but pleasant. (Yawn?)

What if you then get to know that person a bit better and discover that they share your interests, are actually very nice, and, now you come to think of it, pretty damn attractive actually.

What if you then discover that, in actual fact, they are awesome?! You didn’t see it at first (for whatever reason), but actually, they are incredible! And suddenly you also realise that they are very good looking indeed. And funny! And clever! And to top it all off they’re kind too. How brilliant!

But hang on - you didn’t notice at first, so it’s not very exciting - is it? It's been 'slow burn' rather than Love at First Sight.

Okay - It wasn’t love at first sight. It wasn’t lust at first sight either. Hmmm. That doesn’t seem right. Surely it should have been, shouldn’t it? That's what all the great love stories say! What would you tell your grandchildren?

You think to yourself, this isn’t very romantic. This isn’t like in the films! I’m not in turmoil here. Shouldn’t I be feeling some turmoil!? Shouldn’t I be talking endlessly with my friends, trying to figure it all out?! Why aren’t I fretting about whether or not he’s going to call? This simply won’t do.

So you end it because it just wasn’t really what you think it should be: it wasn’t Hollywood enough.

Now consider how ridiculous it is. And consider whether it’s something you recognise…? Have you ever had a relationship that was good, with a really nice partner, but because it wasn’t an emotional rollercoaster it felt ‘boring’?

Believe it or not, this does happen. There are people all over the world searching for that Hollywood (or Fairytale) romance that really doesn’t exist. Of course you have to find your partner attractive and interesting – but you don’t have to have some sort of ‘will they won’t they’ backstory to make it real or exciting.

Finding someone who makes your heart sing, who is your soul mate, who is your world: That's the exciting part - it doesn't matter how long it took for you to realise it or whether or not you're in turmoil over it. True love is exciting enough in itself.

So - if you are still single and you recognise yourself in any of this, get in touch! I’d be more than happy to help you make sense of what’s going on for you, and hopefully get you to a place where love can flourish.

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Rachael Blackmore

Rachael Blackmore is a qualified counsellor and relationship therapist. She focuses on helping you explore yourself and your patterns of behavior in order to find successful, committed relationship with a partner who deserves you! She provides support for men and women searching for The One and wondering why they haven't found them yet.

Rachael believes in the power of relationship: she will build a relationship with you where trust and acceptance facilitate open communication about the things that are troubling you. She is  passionate about her work and committed to helping you explore your difficult feelings and experiences to find a way to feel better and experience life differently. With a Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling, Rachael works as an integrative  therapist. This means she draws on the Person-Centred approach and  Psychodynamic theory to work collaboratively with you to improve your mental  and emotional well-being.

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