July 27, 2017

Fancy Dating Mr Halitosis, Anyone?

Fancy Dating Mr Halitosis, Anyone? (No, I didn't think so)

‍When you think about dating someone, you want there to be a spark. A real life spark, not an imaginary, fantasy, made-it-all-up-in-your-head type spark.

You don’t want to look at a photo and read a short bio on a website and decide if you fancy this person or not! What if he has a weird voice? What if he has halitosis or B.O? What if he’s 6 inches shorter than you and is secretly standing on a box?

I could go on…

The thing is, you really wouldn’t know any of these things if you found him online, but by meeting him online, and chatting over a series of emails, you are inexplicably drawn in to imagining your life together and you become so invested in this fantasy that you really really want it to work out because he could be The One! Finally!

But then – alas - you meet for a coffee or drinks or dinner or whatever and, with tears in your eyes and a sinking in your heart, you realise he’s not who you fantasised he was. He’s just some bloke who smells funny and has a squealy laugh and a stained T-shirt. Damn.

Can you relate?

Yes, I expect you know exactly what I’m talking about if you have been online dating for more than a few months.

As Kate Mirkin says in her Huffington Post article comparing online dating to Speed Dating:

Instantly, I was struck with how different this was from what I was used to — online dating. I’d tried different sites on and off over the last couple of years, and somehow kept at it despite constant bad experiences. It seems like the thing to do because online dating has become mainstream — despite being, for the most part, a draining experience. From the countless profiles to the first dates where you want out five minutes in but are stuck until the bill comes. Such a waste of time and energy!

Speed dating was so refreshing! It was so easy. It was so drama-less. It was so NOT what I expected, and so much of how dating was supposed to be!

(You can read the rest of her article here)

If online dating is just becoming a disappointing string of failed dates with inauthentic people who are either off-putting or want nothing more than a one night stand or to be ‘friends with benefits’ then maybe it’s time to try something new?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could actually meet a man, face to face, at an event a bit like speed dating? A place where you were able to engage with him in a more natural way.

Imagine you meet a man there, and discovered that even though you would consider him ‘average’ looking, he actually has a really sexy laugh and a twinkle in his eye that you find very appealing. And to think you might have passed him up just from looking at his online profile pic!

(PS he is kind and he smells nice too)

So maybe give the apps a rest for a bit! Have a look around your area for singles nights, speed dating events, or even groups that meet for other things like wine tasting or book club. Take the plunge - you never know who you might find :-)

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Rachael Blackmore

Rachael Blackmore is a qualified counsellor and relationship therapist. She focuses on helping you explore yourself and your patterns of behavior in order to find successful, committed relationship with a partner who deserves you! She provides support for men and women searching for The One and wondering why they haven't found them yet.

Rachael believes in the power of relationship: she will build a relationship with you where trust and acceptance facilitate open communication about the things that are troubling you. She is  passionate about her work and committed to helping you explore your difficult feelings and experiences to find a way to feel better and experience life differently. With a Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling, Rachael works as an integrative  therapist. This means she draws on the Person-Centred approach and  Psychodynamic theory to work collaboratively with you to improve your mental  and emotional well-being.

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