December 14, 2018

Navigate the Holiday Season as a Single

So many occasions can feel painful as a single person: Christmas and New Year, Summer Holiday time, Weddings, Birthdays. I know that for some of you it’s a time that being single really stings because you can feel like you’re the only person without a plus one, plus it can really turn up the volume on those feelings of loneliness.

I understand that, and I don’t wish to trivialise feelings that can be really painful and upsetting. The intention of this blog is to just gently suggest that there could be a new way of approaching things, in the hope that I can take some of the sting out of those feelings, and maybe even get rid of them altogether.


Firstly, then, I want to think about your attitude at the moment, and I’m guessing that if you’re someone who has been single for a while you’re starting to get pretty pissed off with it, maybe even resentful. If you’re recently single there will be some raw emotions, possibly that real sense of loss now you no longer have that special someone in your life.

But I wonder if you can see that the way you feel about it doesn’t have to continue to be that way. You can do something called re-focusing, where you switch from focusing on all the negative aspects to all the good. Let’s take a work party for instance. Partners are invited. You have lots to be grateful for in this instance, but you might not be thinking about that because you are feeling so upset about going on your own.


Firstly, to be invited to a works do, you need to have a job. That’s something many people don’t have. And having a job means having money; it means having money to provide yourself with food to eat and a warm safe place to live. It also means buying yourself a new dress for the works party! It feels good to buy a nice dress doesn’t it?

It also means there’s a good chance you have friends at work. People you can have a good time with at the party. There will likely be food at the party – and who doesn’t like to eat out? And music to dance to, and when you think about that even more, you have ears that can hear music and a body that responds to a rhythm. There are so many things we take for granted when we focus on all the things we don’t have.


Secondly, it might not feel like an opportunity to meet someone new – but you never know. Maybe your work friends are married, and perhaps their husband has a single friend who might be perfect for you! Or maybe you might see someone you see every day in a different light, or maybe meet someone from another department you’ve never met before. This could be the opportunity to meet someone you never expected.

Finally, if you know me, you know I have a firm belief in the Law of Attraction. This is the law that states that the energy we put out,we get back. Like attracts like. So if you go out into the world feeling negative and hopeless and like nothing good happens to you, that’s what you attract into your life, almost as though you create more of it. Whereas if you put out positive energy, you attract more of that into your life. If you are grateful for all the good things you have in your life, you get more of that. If you see everything in your life as an opportunity to experience joy and believe that the perfect partner for you is out there waiting to meet you, your chances of finding him are greatly increased


So! An attitude of gratitude is the ‘in thing’ this holiday season. Give it to yourself for Christmas!


And my gift to you is a free copy of my ebook ‘a mini guide to successful first date’ you can download your copy here.

I hope you find some helpful suggestions in there to make sure the next first date you go on is a huge success!

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Rachael Blackmore

Rachael Blackmore is a qualified counsellor and relationship therapist. She focuses on helping you explore yourself and your patterns of behavior in order to find successful, committed relationship with a partner who deserves you! She provides support for men and women searching for The One and wondering why they haven't found them yet.

Rachael believes in the power of relationship: she will build a relationship with you where trust and acceptance facilitate open communication about the things that are troubling you. She is  passionate about her work and committed to helping you explore your difficult feelings and experiences to find a way to feel better and experience life differently. With a Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling, Rachael works as an integrative  therapist. This means she draws on the Person-Centred approach and  Psychodynamic theory to work collaboratively with you to improve your mental  and emotional well-being.

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