Hey! I like your vibe..!

What's your Frequency? (I really want to add 'Kenneth' here)

For some reason I woke up this morning with a sudden clarity about why we are attracted to the people we are attracted to.  My unconscious had clearly been mulling it over as I slept and when I awoke I was amazed to discover that I had uncovered the secret to what draws one human being to another. (Well, perhaps I'm over stating it slightly, but who cares 😉)

Allow me to explain…

Yesterday in a session with a client and we were talking about extroversion and introversion and the definition of each. A while ago I learned that the true definition of an extrovert isn’t necessarily someone who is loud and confident; it’s someone who is energised by being around other people. An introvert is the opposite: not necessarily shy and quiet, just someone who recharges by being alone.

This definition made sense to me; it seemed more straightforward than the well-known definitions because, as we all know, it can often depend on our mood and the company we’re in whether we are chatty and outgoing or quiet and shy.

Then before bed I was re-reading Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass – How to stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life (one of the best books ever IMO) and in it she talks about energy and how we vibrate at either a low or high frequency depending on what we’re ‘putting out there’ (eg. are we low frequency putting out negative energy in the form of being jealous, pessimistic etc, or high frequency positive energy in the form of being optimistic, encouraging, hopeful etc).

All this stuff makes sense to me – the Law of Attraction, Manifestation, asking the Universe etc. I'm really interested in it all. So when I fell asleep my mind went to work and when I woke this morning I thought ‘That’s it!’*

Let me be clear - when I say the people we are attracted to, I simply mean the people we are drawn to. The people we decide we want to spend our time with. The people we choose to become friends with. We are attracted to one another like magnets.

Being attracted to someone, then, means being pulled towards them energetically. They have the same frequency as you do. A bit like music I guess – I heard that we like the music we do because it resonates with us on a vibrational level. I liked that explanation because it makes sense in a way I can understand. I have never been able to comprehend why someone would enjoy listening to music that -to me- sounds like loud, hoarse shouting with a jumble of tuneless instruments. Now I do. It’s simply on their frequency and not mine.

So when we meet someone who is on our frequency, our vibrations match and if we are vibrating positively ourselves, we draw positive energy and feel good from being in one another’s company. Adversely, if our energy is on the low/negative side, it might also explain why we are attracting people that are also low energy and who make us feel a bit crappy.

So, if you have a friend who likes coffee, KFC and carbonara (which you think are yucky) and you like tea, cake and veggie lasagne (but they don’t – madness!) it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good match. On paper you may not have much in common, but when you meet it’s like ‘Yeah! I’m alive! This is what it’s all about!’ It's that wonderfully ineffable joy that one feels when they are in the company of someone who they think is - well -wonderful. If, on the other hand, you are spending time with people who make you feel a bit exhausted or drained, it might be worth looking at why you are drawn to spending time with them...

If this makes sense to you, and you are feeling like maybe you would like to tweak the energy you might be putting out there or you are missing something in your life and would like some help to find out what it might be, please get in touch. I am a counsellor who specialises in relationships and what might be going on for you. Counselling doesn’t just have to be about feeling low or having a specific issue, sometimes it’s just a sense that something isn’t quite right - you can’t put your finger on it and you want a sounding board to help you figure things out. If you feel like I might be that person please get in touch - my website is www.rachaelblackmore.com. See you there!

*Disclaimer: I am not saying no one has ever come up with this theory before! I’m sure they have. But I haven’t come across it in the way I understood it this morning and how much sense it all made to me. Just to be clear ;-)

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